||[Nov. 25th, 2009|03:54 am]
Its only been since August, not even truly, since it was the end of August. So really its only been since september, thats 3 months almost, and it feels like a years worth of things have happened. Its been a bumpy past two years, but this past 3 months beats it all. |
Ive done a lot of things i regret doing, well i guess not so much regret but know that i will not do again. I used to drink, i drank a bit too, before i left for college i had gotten so drunk i puked. Well, i havent dranken since, even though i am at college. I have been to a frat party and did not drink. I have seen other people drink beyond their limit and puke their brains out, even pass out on the floor and black out for minutes at a time. I have learnd from their doings, and everytime someone offers me a drink, i might say yes and take a sip, but then i never end up going any further than a few sips because 1) i just cannot stomach beer, or other things...and 2) In the words of my father "its not worth it". Ive done other things that i do regret, i smoked for all of 2 days before i realized, what the hell am i doing? There really was no appeal to it and even with people saying that it helps relieve stress and calms you down, it really doesnt. The only thing it did for me, was keep me occupied for 5 minutes, or a half hour depending if it was a cigarette, or a cigar. So drinking and smoking have been checked on my things to do, and have been now added to the list of things never to do again, or not to in general.
Ive sat through lectures upon lectures and it feels as if its supposed to. My greatest accomplishment? I would say correcting my chemistry professor and seeing him a little frusturated when a freshman corrects him in something he has a PhD in. However i think it turned out to be alright seeing as how i had a 30 minute conversation with him in his office about awesome chemistry stuff. I have gone to classes that start at 7pm, and end at 10pm. I have taken exams, and i have aced them. I have more than aced them, more like completely obliterated them. I have been that student that fucks up the curve on the exams. I have a 3.59 GPA and rising. I am looking at an awesome schedule next year, but also a schedule that makes me want to shit my pants because it will be the first time i step into almost every class not having a good background in the subject. All my subjects this year, except biology and psychology, i have a very good background in from the classes i took in high school.
I think the biggest blunder in college, is women. Relationships in general. The past two years have been the worst for relationships in my life. For some reason i couldnt win, i went from one girl to another, once i lost one i found interest in another...Yes i know i am pretty fucked up and that was the worst thing i could ever do but i think because of my past and everhything that has happened with women and all the scarring and kicking i have endured while laying on the ground, i think i just ended up putting up so many barriers, hiding myself trying to be the perfect one. Well look where that got me...Nowhere.
Then i went to a conference in conneticut...Yea i know this sounds amusing and ur going to be like seriously dude? wtf? But we drove down with another school. Well i obviously didnt know anyone from this school, but soon i would get to know someone rather well. I hung out with them the first night, got talking to Danielle. Well the next night we hung out again, and i got to talk to her again, and just hang out at 3am because there is nothing to do and nowhere to go at 3am in hartford CT. Well the last night we were there they had a dance party and turned one of the ballrooms into a club. So what happened? Well obviously there was dancing. Danielle and i danced together for a large portion of the time and we all went back to mine and chris' hotel room since we were the ones staying at the hotel where the conference was held. Well as everyone was doing their own thing, and after Melissa and Mike left to go back to their hotel, Danielle and i decided to go for a walk in the middle of hartford. Well we wound up on this boardwalk kind of thing over the road, and looking at this trippy billboard that changed colors. We sat and talked for hours, right up until 3am. Well needless to say, it was a good night, i walked her to her hotel at 3am, and it ended off in a good note as i walked off back to my hotel. We have been talking ever since, and we are planning on seeing each other on saturday :)
Well i think i found the key. Ive been talking to her since and i think i found that just being open and honest about everything truly does work. Just being myself, and admitting my faults, admitting the things that i have done that were completely stupid, and just being me, has really brought her closer, and myself closer to her. We had a long conversation the other night about a lot of different things, and she said she does have feelings for me...which based on everything we had talked about earlier in that conversation, was probably the happiest part of that conversation. I was probably in the best worst mood in my life, the conversation had so much in it that my head was spinning, but at the same time staying straight. So i think i realized something, just being open with each other right from the get go sets up such a great foundation. We have told each other everything we have asked and anything that is on our mind that we are having problems thinking aobut or processing, or just something we want to talk about in general. It has really set up something very good, and i can only hope that it continues on this way. So it truly does work, just being open and honest, because for the longest time i thought that ideal had gone away and it was all gone based on everything that i had experienced before.