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blackmagic91

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(no subject) [May. 4th, 2010|11:28 pm]
blackmagic91
How is living off the government and welfare being independent? That always made me wonder
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Ohhh Life...you amaze me [Jan. 2nd, 2010|01:59 am]
blackmagic91
Well its been 2 weeks of my winter break..and so much has happened haha...So lets see...

Well when i was at school..i spent a lot of time with this girl Kelsey..flirted a lot, and i started to have feelings for her and since i already had a gf i was confused as to what to do. Well i broke up with Danielle, just for the sake that i knew it was going to get hard for me to commit to her with her going to a different school and i couldnt really see her. And i knew my feelings for Kelsey wouldnt go away as i saw her all the time when im up at school. Well i found out that Kelsey felt the same way about me, as i did her, and we have liked each other for a while now..but never knew it. Well we talked more and more, and she knew i was going to ask her out, well she got her parents to let her spend New Years here. So she stayed the night, and it was amazing. Everything was just so comfortable with her here. My parents decided to share some embarassing stories about me haha...And then we watched the ball drop and i asked her out directly at midnight..she said yes :) and then we spent the rest of the night together watching a movie and just relaxing and enjoying being with each other...My parents love her haha..we stayed up until like...8 this morning haha and slept till 12..sadly her parents came and got her at 2..but we spent those two hours just laying down together and enjoying it all.

So yea..my vacation has been interesting. Broke up with Danielle, got a job, spent some time with friends, and realized that what i was really looking for was right in front of me all along...so yea..its been one hell of a vacation so far and i still have 2 weeks!
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(no subject) [Dec. 18th, 2009|01:36 am]
blackmagic91
There are more questions in my head now than there were when i was studying for finals...i think this is a problem..i do not know where to turn...
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(no subject) [Dec. 14th, 2009|01:03 am]
blackmagic91
Well it is nearing the end of the semester...its been one hell of one too. Its put me in the most awkward positions, its given me the most stress i swear my hair will go from having one white patch to being all white with one dirty blonde patch haha. ive learned a lot, as well as forgotten some things. it has helped me realize some things, but also make me question things even more. Its brought me new people, and new interests. It has also brought me a lot of bad mistakes. I have done things i told myself i would never do and ive found that i now know why i didnt bother with it in the first place...

but i come home on thursday! and i will be home for a month! exciting stuff i know haha
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Recap [Nov. 25th, 2009|03:54 am]
blackmagic91
Its only been since August, not even truly, since it was the end of August. So really its only been since september, thats 3 months almost, and it feels like a years worth of things have happened. Its been a bumpy past two years, but this past 3 months beats it all.

Ive done a lot of things i regret doing, well i guess not so much regret but know that i will not do again. I used to drink, i drank a bit too, before i left for college i had gotten so drunk i puked. Well, i havent dranken since, even though i am at college. I have been to a frat party and did not drink. I have seen other people drink beyond their limit and puke their brains out, even pass out on the floor and black out for minutes at a time. I have learnd from their doings, and everytime someone offers me a drink, i might say yes and take a sip, but then i never end up going any further than a few sips because 1) i just cannot stomach beer, or other things...and 2) In the words of my father "its not worth it". Ive done other things that i do regret, i smoked for all of 2 days before i realized, what the hell am i doing? There really was no appeal to it and even with people saying that it helps relieve stress and calms you down, it really doesnt. The only thing it did for me, was keep me occupied for 5 minutes, or a half hour depending if it was a cigarette, or a cigar. So drinking and smoking have been checked on my things to do, and have been now added to the list of things never to do again, or not to in general.

Ive sat through lectures upon lectures and it feels as if its supposed to. My greatest accomplishment? I would say correcting my chemistry professor and seeing him a little frusturated when a freshman corrects him in something he has a PhD in. However i think it turned out to be alright seeing as how i had a 30 minute conversation with him in his office about awesome chemistry stuff. I have gone to classes that start at 7pm, and end at 10pm. I have taken exams, and i have aced them. I have more than aced them, more like completely obliterated them. I have been that student that fucks up the curve on the exams. I have a 3.59 GPA and rising. I am looking at an awesome schedule next year, but also a schedule that makes me want to shit my pants because it will be the first time i step into almost every class not having a good background in the subject. All my subjects this year, except biology and psychology, i have a very good background in from the classes i took in high school.

I think the biggest blunder in college, is women. Relationships in general. The past two years have been the worst for relationships in my life. For some reason i couldnt win, i went from one girl to another, once i lost one i found interest in another...Yes i know i am pretty fucked up and that was the worst thing i could ever do but i think because of my past and everhything that has happened with women and all the scarring and kicking i have endured while laying on the ground, i think i just ended up putting up so many barriers, hiding myself trying to be the perfect one. Well look where that got me...Nowhere.

Then i went to a conference in conneticut...Yea i know this sounds amusing and ur going to be like seriously dude? wtf? But we drove down with another school. Well i obviously didnt know anyone from this school, but soon i would get to know someone rather well. I hung out with them the first night, got talking to Danielle. Well the next night we hung out again, and i got to talk to her again, and just hang out at 3am because there is nothing to do and nowhere to go at 3am in hartford CT. Well the last night we were there they had a dance party and turned one of the ballrooms into a club. So what happened? Well obviously there was dancing. Danielle and i danced together for a large portion of the time and we all went back to mine and chris' hotel room since we were the ones staying at the hotel where the conference was held. Well as everyone was doing their own thing, and after Melissa and Mike left to go back to their hotel, Danielle and i decided to go for a walk in the middle of hartford. Well we wound up on this boardwalk kind of thing over the road, and looking at this trippy billboard that changed colors. We sat and talked for hours, right up until 3am. Well needless to say, it was a good night, i walked her to her hotel at 3am, and it ended off in a good note as i walked off back to my hotel. We have been talking ever since, and we are planning on seeing each other on saturday :)

Well i think i found the key. Ive been talking to her since and i think i found that just being open and honest about everything truly does work. Just being myself, and admitting my faults, admitting the things that i have done that were completely stupid, and just being me, has really brought her closer, and myself closer to her. We had a long conversation the other night about a lot of different things, and she said she does have feelings for me...which based on everything we had talked about earlier in that conversation, was probably the happiest part of that conversation. I was probably in the best worst mood in my life, the conversation had so much in it that my head was spinning, but at the same time staying straight. So i think i realized something, just being open with each other right from the get go sets up such a great foundation. We have told each other everything we have asked and anything that is on our mind that we are having problems thinking aobut or processing, or just something we want to talk about in general. It has really set up something very good, and i can only hope that it continues on this way. So it truly does work, just being open and honest, because for the longest time i thought that ideal had gone away and it was all gone based on everything that i had experienced before.
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(no subject) [Nov. 1st, 2009|01:10 am]
blackmagic91
Ive been trying to find peace outside, and inside, however my thoughts still follow...but on the other hand it is nice outside, probably going to be running between the inside and the outside for the rest of the night trying to find some kind of median
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Life [Oct. 31st, 2009|01:00 am]
blackmagic91
Life is what it is i guess. I have many thoughts about many things, school, friends, relationships, and what we dont learn in books or even from our own parents, siblings, or friends. I have done some stupid shit i admit, and i have done things as smart as anything else.

School is great, grades are up and as expected finances in my pocket are down. Im hoping to pull together a job and get one. My professors, most of them are great but there is one or two i dislike. Registration for classes of next semester is coming up and needless to say its going to be hellll. There is a lot of things i need to pull together before wednesday so i can register for classes. Things are just fucked up.

Friends, well they are great, piss me off sometimes and sometimes i just want to be alone. I have felt the feeling of wanting to be alone a lot lately, i think i just need space from people. There are a few people that i would love to talk to but other than those people, i am not really wanting to be around many people.

Relationships...hahaha..yea like thats working out...All the people that like me, i dont like, and the people that i like, dont like me in that way. Thats just how it is i guess. Maybe im not supposed to find someone right now, or maybe relationships in general are just not going to happen. But maybe thats just my head talkin. Life isnt what it was like four years ago, when i was a freshman of high school. I had it all it seems, now i only have some of it left, i fucked a lot of things up, especially with some people that now i wish i hadnt because i wish i could talk to them again since they were the only ones i could truly trust with my life and confide in. But now, i have livejournal i guess? its sometimes good for getting out thoughts...

Well thats life pretty much...im also home for the weekend. And then i will be home from the 6th to the 8th. Then i go to conneticut for a conference the weekend after that. It will be a busy month by far. But thats it for now!
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(no subject) [Oct. 10th, 2009|12:46 am]
blackmagic91
so quick update i guess? im home for the weekend..up until tuesday. It feels weird being back in newton and not in bagor anymore...especially not having so many people around me until all hours of the night and not seeing my friends right up until i go to bed. Its also weird not needing a key everytime i need to open my room door, or even my house lol....

school has been amazing...and im doing well so its even better, i love the people i live around, and my roommate is pretty cool. im not on the 7th floor anymore though i moved down to the first floor. Im in the student Senate, and i tutor a lot of people. Life is good.

Well i thiknk im gonna chill outside for a while, its hot in the house and i enjoy being outside, seein as how i am usually outside when im at Husson...ttyl everyone
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(no subject) [Sep. 9th, 2009|03:48 pm]
blackmagic91
College, thats really all i have to say. I moved in a little over a week ago, and ive made many friends and met some cool people. Its been interesting here and interesting not having to follow all that many rules, kinda be on your own and outside the norm of myself. I definately adjusted quickly though, which was essentially my biggest fear or worry, that i wouldnt be able to get used to this life. Maine is beautiful, its the right time of the year when the leaves are starting to turn color, which looks great when youre just layin in the courtyard or outside the dining commons underneath the trees. Theres lots of homework though, just right now i have to finish reading a chapter of Psych, 2 chapters in Chem, 2-3 chapters in Bio, do a pre-lab for Bio Lab, and i think i have one for chemistry too. I also have to write an essay, and read a book. So my schedule gets a bit hectic. Theres only one day i can sleep in too, which kinda sucks when i end up staying up late. All my days other than the weekend and tuesdays start at 8am.

Other than that its been pretty smooth. I have had my days as anyone else would. and had moments i would much like to forget. But i think all is well here and everything will go well. I cant wait to visit back home though, just to be back around family and maybe some friends depending whos still back there. But i wont be visiting until november. My family is supposed to come up in october, which is pretty sweet.

So nothing other than that is new....and thats pretty much it..

farewell for now
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(no subject) [Aug. 20th, 2009|03:51 am]
blackmagic91
Small little update i guess..got all my college things..well i guess almost all. I have a few things yet to grab...and i need a haircut. Hopefully i can get it all done in the time i have left. I have a bit to do before saturday, and then next saturday is when i leave. I still need to order my books >_< so um, hopefully i can get those cheap from amazon and still have them shipped to me quick enough...thats the only thing that worries me. Maybe i can sucker my dad into 1 day shipping instead of whatever they have..however idk how much it would cost for that shipping...hmmm...who knows..well lets hope :-p. All i know is i need my books asap :-p figures we wait till the last second..however thats how its always been done and mostly it comes out good....

well its just 8 days until i am gone...im not sure to put :( there or :)..dont want to leave all my friends but i get to go to college and be at school...yea i know im a major geek ;) but you just gotta learn to love it hahahaahahha....

well peace my peeps, you know the aim, facebook, and i rarely ever check myspace but if i ever recieve an e-mail of inbox messages or such ill check it out.

~Matt
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